God Does Everything Better
Why do I try to do God's job when He does it so much better than I can do? Recently I've been facing new challenges living in America. This past week has been the hardest yet. I didn't realize how hard it was until yesterday when Josh asked me, "What’s wrong? You seem to be overwhelmed these past few days." Tears began to well up in my eyes and I just clung to him. It was one of the longest hugs I've had since I've been here, but it just didn't ease the dullness I felt. "I’ll be fine," is all I could muster. I’m sure he didn't buy that, but he had to return to work and left. I had a long list of things to do and so I began to head out the door as well. As I reached for the door knob it was almost as if everything inside of me began to break down. I couldn't leave. I was frozen and almost instantly I began to sob. I thought I was going crazy. Thankfully God let Josh forget his computer and twenty minutes later Josh rushed in to grab it. After one look at me, he detoured from his computer and scooped me up in his arms. "I don't know why I'm crying…I don't feel normal…I don't want this job…everything is difficult," I barely was able to make out through my sobs. After sifting through my emotions we easily came to the conclusion for my unrest. I had recently agreed to take a job position as a personal assistant. I never really felt comfortable about it, but needed a job and so I said yes. I felt I had found a job and so I should take it. I didn't realize I was making myself sick from worrying that I couldn't find another one if I let this one go. I wasn't trusting God to provide the right position. I was just grabbing at whatever came my way. I didn't want to be jobless nor did I want people to think I was lazy and so I took the position (even though it made me uncomfortable). As soon as I realized that I didn't have to take the position and decided to pass on the job, Peace came. It was if I had been enclosed in a small yard with a tall fence. I felt claustrophobic and everything was closing on top of me. But as soon as I took my eyes off the fence and focused on God the fence fell down. I didn't feel frightened or nervous anymore. Instead I felt light, free, and calm. Twenty minutes later I had an interview and moved into the final stages of another position that I had been wanting. Why do I try to do God's job when He does it so much better than I do? Labels: Fears, Life, Spiritual
Paintball Fight!
 I was ready to fight and fight I did. I haven't joined in paintball games before, afraid of the welts the game could leave. I'm still afraid of the welts, but it just makes me play harder. I haven't been hit anywhere, but my helmet, so it will continue to be a hard decision to play again.
After playing for four hours straight, my legs didn't work for three days. I now understand how adrenaline can keep you going long after you should stop. Going up and down stairs was impossible and I basically just fell onto the chair when I need to sit down, but it was definitly worth it.Labels: Fears, Fun, Happiness
Peace in the Storm
God speaks in so many ways. It keeps me on my toes. I never know how He is going to speak next. This week has been full of storms and peaceful calms. It is like He speaks in the eye of a hurricane, with the wind and rain all around. I feel like I'm being tossed around, but so peaceful. God can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine and I am so thankful for that.
Recently my fears have begun to swallow me whole and I begin to drown and then I remember that I need to keep my eyes fixed on His. He is the only thing that is keeping me floating. Why do I at times forget that? How can I be so prideful to think that I can do it alone?
God is my source of life and I never want to trade this peace He gives.Labels: Fears, Spiritual
Trading Souls To Live
 This past weekend, staff and interns visited a local Sangoma, a traditional healer, to learn more about the Basotho religious beliefs. I learned so much during the short time I was there.
The head Sangoma took us into her "healing hut" and told us a little about what she does to heal people. Apparently there are two kinds of Sangomas in the Basotho culture. One that reads bones to consult the dead and another that dances to music to consult the dead. The dancing Sangomas usually go up to the top of a mountain and go into a trance as the "ancestors" speak to them. The Sangoma that we spoke to is a dancing one.
Her outfit is very precise. She only wears what the ancestors tell her to wear. On her back she has a goat skin that she ties around her neck. She explained that when she was about 19 she became very ill and went to a Sangoma to be healed. According to her, the ancestors would let her live only if she gave her life to becoming a Sangoma. Sadly, she traded her soul to live. To complete her healing, she had to sacrifice a goat and drink its blood. The goat skin on her back is the same goat that she sacrificed some 40-50 years ago. Later on, the ancestors told her she must attach a snake skin to the back of the goat skin. As she was describing this, it seemed so appropriate to me that she was to attach a snake's skin instead of something else. "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke10:19).
It breaks my heart to know how much of a hold Satan has on her; how much fear and darkness she lives in. If she could only see the light and how much freedom and peace it brings!Labels: Cultural, Fears, Spiritual
Alligators
This makes me think twice before going swimming. Even though I know we shouldn't have these in the lakes and ponds around me, my imagination runs a little wild. I took this picture when I took a mission team on safari a few weeks ago. We only have smaller Monitor Lizards around there. But I still wonder.Labels: Fears, Life
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