God Does Everything Better
Why do I try to do God's job when He does it so much better than I can do? Recently I've been facing new challenges living in America. This past week has been the hardest yet. I didn't realize how hard it was until yesterday when Josh asked me, "What’s wrong? You seem to be overwhelmed these past few days." Tears began to well up in my eyes and I just clung to him. It was one of the longest hugs I've had since I've been here, but it just didn't ease the dullness I felt. "I’ll be fine," is all I could muster. I’m sure he didn't buy that, but he had to return to work and left. I had a long list of things to do and so I began to head out the door as well. As I reached for the door knob it was almost as if everything inside of me began to break down. I couldn't leave. I was frozen and almost instantly I began to sob. I thought I was going crazy. Thankfully God let Josh forget his computer and twenty minutes later Josh rushed in to grab it. After one look at me, he detoured from his computer and scooped me up in his arms. "I don't know why I'm crying…I don't feel normal…I don't want this job…everything is difficult," I barely was able to make out through my sobs. After sifting through my emotions we easily came to the conclusion for my unrest. I had recently agreed to take a job position as a personal assistant. I never really felt comfortable about it, but needed a job and so I said yes. I felt I had found a job and so I should take it. I didn't realize I was making myself sick from worrying that I couldn't find another one if I let this one go. I wasn't trusting God to provide the right position. I was just grabbing at whatever came my way. I didn't want to be jobless nor did I want people to think I was lazy and so I took the position (even though it made me uncomfortable). As soon as I realized that I didn't have to take the position and decided to pass on the job, Peace came. It was if I had been enclosed in a small yard with a tall fence. I felt claustrophobic and everything was closing on top of me. But as soon as I took my eyes off the fence and focused on God the fence fell down. I didn't feel frightened or nervous anymore. Instead I felt light, free, and calm. Twenty minutes later I had an interview and moved into the final stages of another position that I had been wanting. Why do I try to do God's job when He does it so much better than I do? Labels: Fears, Life, Spiritual
Harvest Party
 It has been so exciting these past couple of weeks working with the coaches. They finished the curriculum, but most exciting was that the last chapter was on having a new life in Christ. Our testimony times, during our meetings, usually last 5 minutes, but recently I didn't want to stop after 40 minutes. Each person had a story to share of how a student stopped smoking, decided to no longer practice homosexuality, or made the decision to wait until marriage to have sex. The room was electric as they were sharing. One right after another and then back again. I haven't ever seem them like they were. Joseph (pictured above) shared how he had the opportunity to lead some students to Christ! God has definitely moved this year.
I'm gonna miss them! Labels: Life, Memories, Spiritual
It's a Dam Day!
 No, I'm not cussing. That's exactly the type of day we had, a day at the local dam. As a ministry, we took Thursday away from our usual, piled into a few cars, and headed to the "beach" for a little sun, food, and a special time of worship and baptism. The morning started out with clouds, but within the hour the sun was blazing hot, although I still had few goose-bumps from the wind. It was a great way to just relax and reflect back on everything that God had done throughout the year. One of the interns wanted to express everything that God had done in her and chose to be baptized. What a wonderful way to finish off the year! Some of the staff are beginning to head back to the States for early furlough and so this was our last time all together. It was fun to be around everyone, but sad that I won't be able to participate in things like this with them in the future. It's been a great year! Labels: Friendship, Fun, Spiritual
Growth = Change
 Today I taught the interns how change is always present and needed. Going through a lot of changes at the moment I felt like I was speaking to myself.
Change is always going to be in my life. No matter what is happening. Nothing ever stays the same. And that's good.
You can't have growth without change. Whenever there is growth, change is always present. I want to constantly be growing and maturing, therefore I have to constantly be changing. It is strange to really think about. If I haven't changed in the last week, then I haven't grown.
Growth always produces change, but change doesn't always produce growth. I need to be actively seeking growth so that all of these changes in my life are producing something worth while. Sometimes it is hard to be that focused on developing myself, but that's what I want.
I want to be like the flowers that allow the changes to occur without putting up a fight or fuss. I want to seek out areas that I can change in order to move forward. I don't want to be forever the same.
I don't want to just change, I want to grow! Labels: Leadership, Spiritual
Over Due Epiphany
Before these past two weeks, I would have told you that I trusted God completely. I moved to Africa because He told me to, I believed that He would provide my finances for me to stay, I stepped into a job that I felt completely unprepared to do, I've stayed committed through difficult personal experiences, and I really never doubted that God wouldn't come through for me. The list seemed to show that I trusted Him. But...
God and I have been dealing with some trust issues in the last two weeks.
Two weeks ago, trusting someone else was defined to me as: believing that the other person had your best interest at heart and would protect you.
I began to doubt that God has my best interest at heart. He sometimes asks me to do things that don't benefit me at all and only benefit others and He doesn't always protect me from bad things. So I began to question, if God doesn't have my best interest at heart and He doesn't always protect me, how can He be trusted?
These past two weeks have been long and confusing, yet so rewarding! I have received a fuller, more complete understanding of what it means to trust God and who God really is. My trust before was selfish and consumed with preserving myself, but that is not what Christianity is about. If God was consumed with my best interest then I would be the center of the relationship. I would be god. God can only be consumed with HIS best interest and that is GOOD, because it makes Him God. Christianity is about laying my life down and trusting that God will glorify Himself through it. He never forces me to lay my life down, but I offer my life, my interest, my self (whatever you want to call it) out of love. That's true trust. He has revealed so much more, but out of sake of space I'll stop here.Labels: Spiritual
Ripe Harvest
I was so overwhelmed on Monday. I can't fully describe how it felt to see so much growth displayed. I've heard it takes two years before you begin to really reap the harvest of ministry and I completely agree. These past couple of months, I have seen so much fruit come from what I've been pouring my heart out to harvest. It seemed to happen over night. All of a sudden the coaches are showing leadership, passion, devotion, problem solving skills, responsibility and taking ownership of what they do.
I start to cry thinking about how much they have grown. Drops of hope and excitement accompany my tears, for I know that they will change many more lives and grow much deeper in Christ. Tears of astonishment soak my pillow at the thought that God used me, someone that has no experience in management or teaching, to change the lives of 16 adults. But despite the goodness, there are also tears of loss. I won't be a part of everything that God does in and through them next year and I feel like I'm missing out on one of the greatest stories going on in my time.
Over all, I cry tears of joy. The excitement of seeing their eyes light up when they share how God works through them or the passion that bubbles from their speech is more rewarding than anything I have experienced so far. I am privileged to have taken part of their cultivating process.Labels: Coaches, Dreams, Happiness, Memories, Spiritual
Peace in the Storm
God speaks in so many ways. It keeps me on my toes. I never know how He is going to speak next. This week has been full of storms and peaceful calms. It is like He speaks in the eye of a hurricane, with the wind and rain all around. I feel like I'm being tossed around, but so peaceful. God can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine and I am so thankful for that.
Recently my fears have begun to swallow me whole and I begin to drown and then I remember that I need to keep my eyes fixed on His. He is the only thing that is keeping me floating. Why do I at times forget that? How can I be so prideful to think that I can do it alone?
God is my source of life and I never want to trade this peace He gives.Labels: Fears, Spiritual
Trading Souls To Live
 This past weekend, staff and interns visited a local Sangoma, a traditional healer, to learn more about the Basotho religious beliefs. I learned so much during the short time I was there.
The head Sangoma took us into her "healing hut" and told us a little about what she does to heal people. Apparently there are two kinds of Sangomas in the Basotho culture. One that reads bones to consult the dead and another that dances to music to consult the dead. The dancing Sangomas usually go up to the top of a mountain and go into a trance as the "ancestors" speak to them. The Sangoma that we spoke to is a dancing one.
Her outfit is very precise. She only wears what the ancestors tell her to wear. On her back she has a goat skin that she ties around her neck. She explained that when she was about 19 she became very ill and went to a Sangoma to be healed. According to her, the ancestors would let her live only if she gave her life to becoming a Sangoma. Sadly, she traded her soul to live. To complete her healing, she had to sacrifice a goat and drink its blood. The goat skin on her back is the same goat that she sacrificed some 40-50 years ago. Later on, the ancestors told her she must attach a snake skin to the back of the goat skin. As she was describing this, it seemed so appropriate to me that she was to attach a snake's skin instead of something else. "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke10:19).
It breaks my heart to know how much of a hold Satan has on her; how much fear and darkness she lives in. If she could only see the light and how much freedom and peace it brings!Labels: Cultural, Fears, Spiritual
Joyful Glee
Hospital ministry isn't one of my favorite things to do, but this last Thursday it was incredible: I began talking with this older woman and she was there because her arthritis was getting pretty bad. Here hands and feet were fairly crumpled together. So I started talking about how Jesus healed people when He was on Earth and how He has given us authority over sickness. Then I was prompted to begin talking about heaven and how there is no sickness in heaven and no pain and how wonderful a place that will be when we get there. God then reminded me about the Lord's Prayer and how Jesus prayed for God's will in heaven to be on Earth. And so we began to pray and I physically straightened out her hand in mine and began to pray that God's will would be here on Earth. After praying and thanking God for the healing He was bringing, she started moving her hand around and wiggling her feet and then started "dancing" in bed. It was a glorious sight. I told her that I knew that she was going to walk out of there the next day and was so happy for her. I turned to leave and she grabbed me by my arm and said, "Touch here," motioning with her hand to her thighs and knees. I places my hands on both legs and said something like, "It is by God's authority that you are healed and only by Him. It is by His power and He has touched you." I had no idea where those words came from, but they were said. It was beyond a glorious event. Her face glowed and excitement and thankfulness poured out of her. I will never forget it.
When she grabbed my arm and asked me to touch her legs, I felt like Paul. Not to compare myself to him, because I have nowhere near the same amount of faith that he did. But he would just touch people and they were healed because of the power of God in him. It was as if she knew that there was an authority in me that was greater than sickness and disease. The strange thing though, is that I didn't feel any different. I was just obedient to what God was asking me at the moment. It wasn't until after I left her bed that I was in awe that God had chosen me to be the instrument of His touch. I felt like the 72 disciples did when they were excitedly talking to Jesus after they had just returned from preaching and were sharing how even the demons would obey them. And Jesus agrees with them in excitement and then reminds them that they should rejoice even more that their names are written in the book of life (Luke10:1-24).
Our salvation is so much more important than healing and such a greater reason to rejoice and yet many times I take it for granted. hmmmmLabels: Happiness, Memories, Spiritual
Did You Know?
 Each year we give our students surveys at the beginning and at the end of our classes to see if their beliefs have progressed or not. After our first survey here is some of what we have found:
- 1 in 5 students in Qwa-Qwa believe that AIDS does not exist
- Half of students in Qwa-Qwa believe that their sin is too big for God to forgive
- Only 55% of youth know that God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex
- Less than half (43%) of the youth in Qwa-Qwa know the consequences of drugs and alcohol
Continue to pray that we see God drastically change their knowledge and beliefs. Labels: Coaches, Leadership, Spiritual
God is in the Radio
The greatest possible thing happened to me today. Well, not the greatest, but pretty darn good. Today I went back to the same school that I got stuck in the mud while delivering books. I decided to go a different way, for obvious reasons, and again there was a mud puddle. I wasn't alone this time and Kelly emphatically encouraged me to go through it and so I began.
Just then, like God was cheering me on through the radio, "Chariots of Fire" began blaring through the speakers. I felt empowered and able to drive through any mud puddle that was before me. There was nothing that could stop me from reaching the top of the ever increasing hill. It was glorious! I don't think I could ever have a better driving experience in my life.
Thank you Jesus, for making me laugh, smile, and take on the mud!Labels: Dreams, Friendship, Fun, Humor, Life, Memories, Spiritual
Wrong Turn
Today I went on a Sunday stroll with my roommate. It was a gorgeous day without a cloud in the sky. One of the perfect days where the sun is hot, but the wind is cool. I love those. We decided to walk a different route than we normally do. The path we were on was fairly rocky and uneven so we were looking at our feet most of the time. We also had to be looking out for snakes so we weren't really paying any attention to where we were going. It turns out we missed our turn and walked and extra 10 minutes. It was a nice day so we didn't mind too much, but it really got me thinking.
Just another instance that God spoke out of the randomness of my day. He seems to be doing that a lot lately. It made me wonder how many times I have been so focused on the small problems right in front of me that I forget to look at where He wants me to go. If I want to stay on the right path I need to pay attention to both. hmmmLabels: Life, Spiritual
I Can't See!
Tonight I drove into a cloud. Not fog, but a cloud. With three mountains on the property, almost every person's house is at a different elevation. Luckily, I live at one of the lower houses. Tonight I drove a fellow staff member home. The stars were beautiful outside my house, but by the time I had reached his walkway I was fully surrounded by clouds. I didn't really notice it until I had to turn around to head back home. It was such a gradual change.
It reminds me of my Christian life. How I can suddenly realize that I'm in a cloud and can't see the stars anymore. It doesn't have to be a sin issue, but that I can gradually slip into routine and miss out on the intimate relationship. The only way to notice the clouds right away is to stay focused on what I should be able to see, God.
The things you learn from nature.Labels: Life, Spiritual
Discovering the Truth
 Leadership Summit classes are in full swing now. The students have their books and have begun to share and develop opinions on difficult subjects. One of the coaches, Busisiwe, shared this after her class at Boitsebelo, "It was good to be with the learners and they were very happy and they told me that they are ready to learn more this year because they found out that we talk about hard topics and it will be easy for them to discover the truth about the topics. I am happy to hear that and to be a part of their life to tell them the truth about the Word of God."
I know that God has great plans and this is just the beginning of the many testimonies we will hear throughout the year.Labels: Coaches, Leadership, Life, Spiritual
Changing Lives
All of the trouble in getting to the schools was well worth it! Having the opportunity to see the student's faces as their new books were passed out was priceless. After each class I became more energized and strengthened for the next. In one day, I had the opportunity to give 2,025 books to students whose lives can be forever changed by the contents of the book and the sacrifice of the coaches teaching it.
The "Break the Silence" curriculum touches on 10 hard topics that are not talked about in schools, churches, or homes. Topics like drugs and alcohol, sex, pornography, self-image, and many more. The classes are designed to provide small group discussion on each topic to help students begin to talk about issues that have never been discussed before. The book then focuses on the truth about each topic taken straight from the Word of God. I am so excited about what God has in store for the students this term.Labels: Coaches, Fun, Life, Memories, Spiritual
Songs
Do you ever have a song just speak to your heart? Well lately Casting Crowns' song "Voice of Truth" has been doing just that to me. It gives me chills when it comes on. My favorite part is when it talks about having the strength to stand before a giant like David. I thought I would share:
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
Love it!Labels: Dreams, Life, Spiritual
E-mails From God
I recently read an excerpt from a book called, "E-mail from God for Teens" written by Claire and Curt Cloninger. I'm no longer a teen, but it was good any way, so I though I would share. From page 11: Dear Child of Mine,
Have you ever lost something that you didn't really expect to find again? Sure, you rummaged around the house looking for it, but since you didn't actually think you'd ever find it, you didn't really look with much hope or expectation. You know what happens in those situation? Since you don't expect to find it, you rarely do.
Some people look for Me like that. "God is out there, but He's so far above me, I'll never reach Him." Believe Me when I say that if you put your heart into looking for Me, you'll find Me! I am so close to you. Open the eyes of your heart and really look. Expect me to be here, because here I am.
Your Friend,
GodLabels: Life, Spiritual
Buying
Today I am on my way to purchase a car. Hopefully. I know that God has a good car for me and will lead me to it, so please pray that today I hear where He is leading, if He is leading. It is scary to spend so much money, but exciting that I will finally have a car!
This process of finding a car has stressed me out, but God keeps telling me that He is the one buying it so I don't need to worry. I guess He knows a whole lot better than I do. I'll just be glad when the process is over!Labels: Life, Spiritual
A Family's Love
 I have the best family ever. Honestly. I am so grateful for the blessing that God has given me. Who has the chance to say that they have grown up in a Godly household with extended family also being Godly role models? I can honestly see the blessings that God pours out on those that follow Him. Yes, we’ve had our share of heartbreak, but He has never left us and has blessed us with family unity and love that I hope to one day replicate.
The passage that says, “I am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments” is certainly true (Deut. 5:9-10; also in the Bible six more times, by the way). My grandparents and most likely before them started it and spread the love for God all the way down to me. What an influence my grandparents have been. If they turned from God, it not only would have affected their relationship with God, but mine as well. I love God with all my heart and it is because of them. Thank you guys!
I would rather receive the blessing of a God-fearing family over money, power, or fame any day.Labels: Family, Memories, Spiritual, Vacation
My Sustainer
“I am not here because of anyone or anything except God.” It seems like I have to tell myself that more times than I really want to. God has sent me here and I am here to stay until He says otherwise. No man, no circumstance, or Satan himself can move me. God has brought me here and will keep me here. He is the Sustainer and I will rejoice in Him. I will carry on, and maintain at the same intensity that He first began in me. I will not quit, but will uphold the vision that He has put before me.
I can keep going because:
He is the one that supports me when the weight seems to crush.
He is the one that nourishes my soul when it is faint.
He is the one that comes to my aid when I encounter relentless attacks.
He is the one that maintains peace through raging storms.
He is the one that revives my spirit when hope has diminished.
He carries, upholds, prolongs, assists, preserves me.
He is my Sustainer.
Labels: Spiritual
God is
Have you ever been reprimanded by God? Well, if you have you know that He means business. Last week I spoke at the church we have here on the base about my most recent experience of being reprimanded. I was complaining to God about some things going on in life and telling Him that I didn't want to make a decision. And when He repremanded me it actually set me free. Strange, but true. It's funny how He does that.
His repremand came from Exodus 3:11-14. This is where He speaks to Moses and says that His name is "I AM." Long sermon short: Moses is complaining and focusing on all that he is not. Asking God, "Who am I that I should go?" God replies to Moses not about who Moses is, but who He (God) is. Because it doesn't matter who we are, it only matters who God is. I love it! God gave me this conversation that I run through my head a lot and it makes sense, so I though I would share:
Me - I cant do this.
God - I AM doing this, not you.
Me - I am a nobody.
God - I AM somebody.
Me - I am not skilled.
God - I AM skilled.
Me - I do not want to.
God - I AM doing this, no matter what you do.
You are not in charge, I AM. I AM making the decisions. You are following ME. I AM the leader.
What freedom that brings us! We are not in charge. Cause God is. We do not need to make the decisions. It is not up to us because God is making the decisions.
God is the one doing it.
God is the one in control of it.
God is everything we are not!
I love Him.Labels: Spiritual
Chatting Over Coffee
Lately I have been speaking to a lot of people on the phone. I actually don't like talking on the phone, but it being my easiest form of communication I put up with it. I would rather sit down with someone over a cup of coffee and chat.
 Many times I am the same way with God. I love hearing from God, but oh wouldn't it be wonderful to sit down over a cup of coffee and just chat. I take for granted at times what an incredible event it is when He does just call me. God speaking to man. Even in the times when I would rather not hear what He had to say, I am amazed of His wisdom.
It is frightening though when He calls. I can not hide from what He says because any argument would be utterly demolished and then I'm faced with the choice to either obey or disobey. Sadly, I can't say that I always choose to obey, but when I do, even in the decisions that go against what I want, there is such joy and peace. I don't understand how making a decision can bring such an overwhelming amount of peace. Nothing happened except for a decision, no outcomes, no real progress forward, nothing except for the decision to obey. Without that joy and peace after a decision I think my world would crumble. Joy and peace are God's hands reaching down, patting me on the back, giving me a high five, or carrying me through the mud.
Who wouldn't answer His call if joy and peace was the outcome?Labels: Spiritual
Thank You, Lord!
 It has almost been a year since I moved back to Africa. It doesn’t really seem like that much time has past, a guess a year isn’t as long as it used to be. I have had some great memories over the past year and some hard things to overcome, but God has always been faithfully present in all of them. I don’t know how people can go through life without the strength and guidance He provides. He has been my Comfy Pillow I cry on during the hard times, my Best Friend I laugh with during life’s hilarious moments, my Accountant when trying to crunch numbers, and the greatest Encourager that has kept my heart going. This year wouldn’t have been nearly as wonderful and challenging as it was, without Him. Thank you God, for being who I needed You to be.Labels: Spiritual
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